Hallo word december/31/2024 0:27

I got obsessed with a wonderful work called "Ranfren" at the end of the year,
and now I'm completely hooked. By the way, it's already 2025.
this year.january/1/2025 2:04

I have felt unmotivated since this morning and wanted to give up on everything,
even being awake. But I still had the desire to draw fan art.
Drawing is what keeps me going. january/3/2025 1:07

Compared to yesterday, my suicidal thoughts have disappeared.
Am I trying to do something I can't do? I can't measure my own abilities.
And I want to draw fan art of my favorite character someday.
so I will leave it here. january/4/2025 0:32

When I woke up in the emergency hospital, I wasn't fully myself for a few days - I was like a child.
I had no memory, but looking through my LINE chat history, I saw that during a meal, a female nurse had
asked me, "Do you think I can ever get married?"
Apparently, I told her, "You seem kind, so I'm sure you can."

The next day, another female nurse bumped her foot on a door and complained,
"It hurts, and it's going to leave a bruise," Watching her, I casually said,"Oh no, poor thing,"
as if I were talking to a friend. From there, we got along, and she asked me why I tried to end my life.
At night, when I couldn't sleep, we wandered around the room together exploring. It was just one day, but it felt fulfilling.

Gradually, my brain returned to normal, and I went back to being my usual self.
It was awful. From that day on, I became the version of myself I have all over again.

In the end, I hate myself, so I just want to go back to being the unfiltered version of me,
the one free from mental illnesses. I want to return to the foolish version of myself-
someone so oblivious that I wouldn't even feel bothered by unpleasant things.

💞 january/6/2025 5:38

I have purchased language books for Deutschland, Russian, and others,
but I haven't been able to keep up with them, struggling through mentally exhausting days.
Languages are beautiful, aren't they.january/7/2025 3:33